I have gone through and updated relevant information.Most of the information is still relevant. I plan on updating this over the next few days. All I can say is having Gastric Bypass surgery is the BEST THING I have ever done!

Well - we just got back from our cruise. It was a blast. We had so much time. It was so nice to get some alone time with hubby finally!!! We were with a group of 56 people... We got there not knowing anyone, and left with a bunch of new friends. What an experience. I can't wait for the next one.

We went to cozumel mexico. Did way TO much shopping, spent way to much money!!! Got loads of pictures, that is where all the new ones are from here. I had to return to work the day after we got home, and I am working about 3 1/2 weeks straight. That is going to be loads of fun!

Our animals are ok. Bruno missed the heck out of me =) Poor Jessie, the new stray we just took in 2 months ago, looks HORRIBLE!!! She was treated for sarcoptic mange, we got that healed before we left. We come back, and now she has demodectic meange. The vet says it is cause her immune system is poor right now. It caused an infection. We have to treat her heartworms before we can treat the mange now, so poor baby has to wear one of those lampshade cone things on her head. She HATES it!

I have slowed down on my losses a bit, only about 2-3 pounds a week, sometimes a bit more, sometimes none. I will be upping my water and protein, and it should jumpstart it again.

Paul is transferring out to battalion in August, so we will be going home to PA for a visit the beginning of July, probably about 2 weeks. I am excited. It will be a little over a year since we have been home. The kids are getting so big!!! I miss watching them grow.

Oh well, I have blabbed enough. I am going to make dinner. Have a fantastic day =)

I have very up days, and very down days. This "emotional" aspect is much harder than I thought. The emotional aspect I speak of is my never ending feeling that I am going to fail this.

 

I realized that I have sabatoged myself over the last 3 month. Not meaning to, not noticing...but I have. I didn't do my vits, protein and water like I should have. I did not exercise... I ate fast, and then was very full... I realize now that in the back of my head I was saying, I am going to fail this anyhow - so why really bother... I just didn't notice I was doing it...

 

I have taken back control. My water intake has gone up big time, I am getting almost 80 ozs in a day. I get at least 1 protein drink a day... but everything (almost) I eat is protein. I know I do not dump with sugar - at least I haven't... of course I know this from a moment (s) of weakness... I don't regret it necessarily - it just makes it harder to say no when I am surrounded by chocolate (which I have been). Amazingly, since I have done everything correctly since the 1rst, I have lost more in the last week than I did in almost a whole month... Hmmm, think there is a correlation?

 

My problem now is some days I feel ravenous... I am only 3 months out, I did not think I would be hungry yet, but I am. Not all the time... Not everyday... but sometimes, I just can't wait to eat. Period time is very difficult, as like pre-op, I feel like a bottomless pit, and still feel that way. It is getting a bit better though, I think.

 

I have really started to watch what I eat. The other day, I was SOOOOO hungry for a double cheesburger from mcd's. I asked hubby to stop... He would have, but gently talked to me about it. I said, you know, I have not had fast food for 3 months... I don't need it. I came home and ate something healthy, and the craving passed.

 

The other day I was at the store... they had chocolates (Christmas candy) half price. I picked up some pecan clusters, and some thin mints. It is something I ate with my family every holiday. It made me feel close to them. I came home and stared at it. I can't beleive I set myself up. Soo. I gave the pecan clusters to our housemate, and the thin mints to my dh. I was so proud.

 

Yesterday at work, a patient dropped off a bag full of christmas candy (the hazelnut truffle things)... so I brough home some mint mms and a thing of the hazelnut... what did I tell myself??? It has nuts, they are good for me... and the mms, I will only eat a few at a time to satisfy the sweet tooth... Nope, gave the nut things to my housemate (my dh hates nuts) and the mms to dh... I am/was proud of myself... It is getting easier...

 

But, this is tough. I didn't think I would have to have so much will power this soon... I mean, I didn't have it before surgery... how am I expected to have it now...

 

Oy... how did I not know this would play emotions on me... I didn't think I was that emotionally connected to food... I am doing better now, and have taken my tool by the balls... well, so to speak.

 

I worry I may have done some damage already by overeating (I have never thrown up and only wanted to once, but I FEEL very full at times, wonder if I stretch my pouch - not worried about my pouch so much as my stoma...

 

I have had a great weight loss, I am so glad that it has come off while I have learned to fall into a new lifestyle... now I am going to purposfully live that lifestyle...

 

To the pre-ops... be prepared... this can be emotionally challenging. I thought I was well prepared... I was physically prepared, and KNEW the ins and outs, but my strong feelings of failure (that I didn't realize I had so strongly) set me up for failure. LUCKILY I believe I have recognized it before I have hurt myself.

My dear Sadie died today. It is such a great loss to Paul and I. She was our first puppy. She was 11.5 years old. SHe has had CHF for almost 2 years now and was on daily meds. The vet didn't think she'd last a year. I thought we were losing her back in March. She was just acting funny yesterday and today, so I made a vet appt. DH and I took her to the vet, discussing the decision we would have to likely make. The one we have held off making because we knew she would tell us when it was time. The vet checked her out, thought it was renal failure due to the CHF. He wanted to try and jumpstart her kidneys with fluids... I said no, cause I did not want to leave her there. He knows my abilities so was willing to allow me to give her the treatment here at home. Sadie turned and looked at me, and just rolled over. Very peaceful. I think she was just done fighting, tired of fighting. She has fought so very hard for so very long. They did try CPR for a few mins but I asked them to stop. She wanted to go... she was ready. She was such a good, good dog. The greatest gift we got was when we left the vets office, there was a HUGE rainbow... I knew Sadie is at Rainbow bridge waiting for us... I know she is keeping my dad company. It is a sad, sad day for me. I am exhausted mentally and don't know if I have any tears left. Some people don't understand the way I feel about my pets... but they are my children... Goodnight sweet Sadie, till we meet again. Daddy and I love you baby gurl!

Today is my 2 month surgiversary. I am down 50 pounds, so I reached my goal. I can't beleive it. I have had about three 1-2 weeks stalls along the way, but I was having troubles with my protein, vits, and water. I am now doing so much better with them. I am able to get them all down and eat my 3 meals. I am beginning to experience hunger a bit more, and it is taking longer for me to feel full, so I really have to learn to slow down. I still struggle with that. I am able to eat whatever I want, and have tried all sorts of things, I had a quarter of a wrap from subway, salads, sunflower seeds, nuts, all meats except pork. I handle turkey burger better than ground beef, but can tolerate gb. I have eaten friuts... everything sits well. I am only able to eat about 2 ounces at a time. I can eat more of soft foods like soups. I do try and stay away from white carbs cause it would make me want more. I do eat mashed potatoes and baked potatoes. I had a few bad days where I TRIED to binge, but of course I can't... which is good. It was due to emotions and boredom. I am working on it and have been doing better. I am looking forward to the holidays. We don't have a big gathering, so I don't have to worry about all the goodies =)~ This has been the best decision of my life and I am so glad to be traveling down this path. To me, the RNY is the best surgery. I LOVE MY RNY!!!

Oi... tomorrow seems to have come on a bad day. Thanksgiving day, which I DO have so much to be thankful for, will be overshadowed by the 9 month anniversary of my Daddy's death. That ticks me off. While I am thankful I got the time to go home and help care for him... I hate that he is not here. I hate that I have to "remember" my dad. I hate that instead of sitting at the table to eat turkey with me and our family, he is 6 foot under the ground. He was 69 years young, and lived everyday to the fullest. He had so much living to do. He was a good man, a good dad, a good husband. My mom misses him so much... I miss him. I HATE to think of what I was going through last year at this time. He wasn't so bad off yet... but it was coming way to soon. I was so scared after he died, cause the only memories I would have of my dad is him declining. For MONTHS after he died, the first thought of him was when I had to pick him up off the floor, and he didn't even try to help... when we had to move him to the hospital bed. I could not remember how he looked healthy... I could only remember him after he lost 70 pounds. I could not remember conversations, but I could remember him being so confused that I had to make him comfortable by medicating him. I remember the DAY that his life went out of his eyes. I remember the day that he gave up. I am not thankful that I had to watch Melanoma steal my dad's soul and life. I am not thankful that he hated being sick, he hated to have to have mom and I take care of him. Dad was a strong man, always. He felt like a burden those last days. He told me that. I assured him that I loved him so much that I felt honored... yes honored to be there to take care of him. I think that made him feel a little better.

I guess I do have things to be thankful for. I did get his blessing on this surgery before he died. He told me to do what makes me happy and healthy. He told me not to wait until I was mom's age so I could enjoy more life. I am thankful I had 5 precious, precious months at home with him, every day... I am thankful that he was a God loving and fearing man and is now watching over me... and building my house in Heaven. I am thankful I asked dad for a nail... yes, a nail. He was supposed to help hubby and I build our house after we retired from the military... he won't be here... so the nail he gave me will be there first nail to go into putting my house together. I am thankful that the day my dad died, he was surrounded by 20+ people that loved him. We told him to send snowflakes when he had something to say to us. 30 minutes after he died... it snowed... not called for... and only on our block... and it only lasted until all of our family were able to see it. I am thankful he sent that message to say that his healing, the one we prayed for for months, had finally come. It also snowed the night we were leaving his viewing... only from the funeral home to our house. I am thankful that I had 2 parents that were so loving and completely devoted to each other. I am thankful that God answers prayers. My brother had told me that he could not remember the last time daddy said he loved him. He knows he said it everyday, but he could not picture it... could not remember it. The day before daddy died, he had been non-responsive for a day and a half. My brother was leaving, and kissed dad and said I love you. My dad responded, and said he loved him too. Mom and I stood up and rushed over to try and talk to him, but he was non-responsive again, and remained that way. Now, my brother will NEVER forget. I am thankful for the 30 years I got to spend with my dad. I am also soooo thankful that I can now remember more than my dad's illness. The first thought is of my dad healthy - not sick.

My mom is here with me until the day after tomorrow. She is afraid of going home. She had gotten used to the house... but this is the first time she has to go home after being gone for so long, and daddy won't be there. I know she will be ok. I am thankful she has been here for 2 months and has helped me so much through this surgery time.

My best friend (used to be my neighbor) is coming for the weekend... and will be moving back here from TN. I am soooo thankful for that. I have missed her too much.

I am thankful for my husband of almost 13 years... We were 18 and 21 when we got married... we have spent 13 happy loving years together... and have many more to go.

I am thankful for the 45 pounds I have lost with this surgery. I am thankful that I know my daddy would have been proud of me for taking this step.

Ok, I guess I am thankful for alot of things. They are just overshadowed by the immense sense of "missing" someone very special in my life. 

I love you daddy. I miss you. I wish so much you were here with us. I don't know who is going to carve the turkey this year. Rest in peace dear daddy. I will be there someday!!

WOW... yesterday was three weeks... I can't believe it!! I have had such an easy three weeks, I can't believe it. I am not having any pain at all... and hardly any hunger. SOMETIMES I do feel a bit hungry, but it is usually when I haven't eaten anything and it is afternoon. I try not to do that often. I am still not getting any protein in... except milk... I should get my unjury today or tomorrow and then I will be doing fine. I am FINALLY off of my stall though, the scale read 269.8 this am... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!! I am finally under 270... wow. That is just amazing to me. I am also fitting into 24's now, but still wear my 26's sometimes... No more 28's though. Mom and I have been going to the thrift store weekly... I have found some cute things to get into. I figure the thrift store will get me through this rapid loss time... I sure can't afford a new wardrobe ever 2-3 weeks...lol. I have not had a hard time with head hunger, which I am thankful for. I did do something today that surprised me. I was sitting at home watching TV, and I was bored... so I walked to the pantry and peered into it. I wasn't hungry, but that was a habit of mine... I used to eat when I was bored. I just shook my head and laughed, and went and finished my show. That is such a good feeling.
I am not really having many cravings. I do want a taco, so that will be my 6 week meal...lol. Mom made me an éclair that she makes and is low in cals and stuff... and I can eat a bite or two and it soooo satisfies my sweet tooth.
I am not back to work yet, but expect to be soon. She will probably finish up this rotation with the nurse that comes over from Louisiana, and then call me back in.
Mom and I have been walking every day. I am just loving life and feeling great. This has been a lifesaving operation for me.

I am feeling pretty good! I am having some pain in my left side and lower right side, but it is supposedly normal healing pains. They are tolerable. I have been doing ok with eating... but not with my protein. I have not found one that I am in love with, however, I can tolerate Unjury, so I bought some of that... Hopefully when it comes in, I will be able to get my protein in correctly. We bought some jumbo shrimp the other day, and I was only able to eat one...ONE shrimp...lol I just can't believe it. I also ate a peice of toast yesterday... I was supposed to wait until Wednesday... but was craving it so bad. I chewed well... and it went down fine... but I am waiting till I am supposed to have that stuff now. I have lost 25 pounds, but have hit a stall because I have not been getting my protein and water in right... well, protein more so than water.

I took DH to OS for his b-day. I was kinda concerned. I did cheat for the first time, but it was a very small cheat. He ordered a blooming onion, and I had a very tiny (and I mean tiny) peice, and chewed it really well. I, of course, skipped the salad - but it looked sooooo yummy, and ordered some salmon and a lobster tail. I was able to bring home over half of the lobster tail, and 99% of the salmon and mashed postatoes... Sheesh, I will be eating on that for 2 weeks. The lobster was oh so good!!! It was not very hard at all... that one little bite of the blooming onion fulfilled my craving and I was able to enjoy my dinner. Much better than I anticipated

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DH PAUL!!! I LOVE YOU!!! Wow, my days just keep getting better. I am so glad for that. I am able to drink better and more at once now, so I usually have no issues with my water, except when I forget. I am still having issues with protein shakes. I am averaging one a day. I need to get two in for my 60 grams, but would like even more - I do not want to lose my hair. My mom didn't lose hers, and I haven't lost mine with stress or surgery before, so I sure hope I am one of the lucky ones anyhow. I am not supposed to add vitamins into the mix. That is going to be fun!! I am up and about. Finally bought a nice scale. It tells the body fat %, hydration level, and your weight. It remembers it, compares it to where you were, and how far from gaol you are. Pretty neat - WALMART under $40... well worth it. I measured myself on it and I am 279!!!!!! I can NOT believe it!!!! WOW!!! - 18 lbs from my pre-op appt on Sept 28th.